I AM CONFUSED

YES I AM. As well as speechless, sad, angry, tired and heart broken. And I feel all of them at the same time which I was not quite sure if that can actually be the case. Imagine eating a weird tasting recipe for the first time and your taste buds start feeling all flavors at the same time, from savory to sweet to spicy, but it takes some time to land on the final taste. Something like that, if it makes sense?

I’m tired of waking up to another terrible news day after day.Some resonates more than the others, some…I don’t quite get the reason why’s…with some I feel the burn a bit closer to my heart…some hits home, the others hits the homes of my loved ones. Yes, I am a little all over the place. I live in a country where my friends got hurt so much – which in some cases it may not be as easy to contextualize, not the facts but the reasons behind them. I live away from home, and my heart is aching by thinking the safety of my family and loved ones back home every single second of every single day. I have friends who live outside both and I know that they are hurt too. I feel like every morning I’m going through the inventory of news, trying to figure out who is where and making sure I check in with people I care about and make sure that they are safe.

What a crazy time? What is happening to the world?

My heart is broken by hearing, watching and seeing people suffering, getting hurt, losing their families, loved ones.

I feel so sad while trying to stay strong.

I feel hopeless but I know that it’s not the right time to feel that way.

I am angry and hate to accept the fact that one human being finds the right in himself to hurt the other one.

I feel frozen and speechless. Like I don’t know what to say, what to do and how to react anymore.

I’m afraid to get used to that fear, pain and shock.

In short, it’s mixed feelings….hard to describe.

All I hope is to have peace for our world!

Ayca Xxxx

 

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