Been over 6 years now since I chose to be be an expat – living away from home and my loved ones. Even though I live in a different continent, my kind is still very close version where I talk to my family almost every day, have long skype sessions over the weekends, travel home at least twice a year and see them in person almost three to four times with them coming to visit me. We are there for each other whenever needed. And I know that I am extremely blessed person to have that kind of relationship with my family – which means the world to me.
Of course the most exciting part for all of us is when I go home and visit them. Flying from my new home to my forever home is always so emotional. I get insanely excited to get ready for it, where my luggage is packed & ready to go almost a week before. LOL I know its crazy but hey don’t judge me. My sleep even get funnier just because I can’t stop thinking about all the things I will do with them, the amazing breakfasts, hours long chats and enjoying every single second of it together. It really is about collecting memories with them.
Crazy thing about is that I can spend 24/7 hours with them and never get bored of it. Almost inhaling seconds and storing them in my memory which will warm my heart when I am away from them – just by thinking about it. Time literally slows down in the moment but at the same time it flies by so so so fast. Feels like each second expands bigger than it is. Kinda turns into a three dimensional journey. You can travel within that second not just by moving forward but also moving right and left. Makes me realize that there is so much more you can feel and do even in a second when you are truly living that moment. Each one gets deeper and deeper and I feel like I am breathing slower than usual and inhaling deeper then ever.
Then all of a sudden everything fast forwards and we all find ourselves at the end of that amazing time. When you are with loved ones, time goes by so fast. Even though each moment feels slower… And here comes the end.
Did I ever say that, I hate goodbye’s? I really don’t like them. Don’t like the idea of seeing my mom getting sad – and yeah I always feel guilty for leaving them behind. It is hard to me because I always try to look strong – just because I don’t wanna make them feel sad or think that I am not happy with my decision – but at the same time last day I get extremely emotional. And guess what? you can only hide your feelings so much, especially from your mom.
With no exception, every time, few hours before the take off, when my mom does her mom thing and giving you a casual speech as if you are five years old 🙂 – I can’t stop but burst out tears while holding her as if someone is trying to drag me away from her. It kinda is a form of meditative moment where we connect on a deeper level – maybe its only a mom and daughter thing. We both know that it is all okay but still… #emotionsBut I can’t stop but wonder – is it ever gonna get easy?
I just still don’t know the answer…