Living abroad is a roller coaster. It truly is. Each emotion comes and goes in waves.In some unexpected ways and times, and most of the time you just don’t know how hard the waves are gonna hit you. Bear in mind that it has nothing to do with being happy or unhappy about your life, yourself or conditions around you, seriously. It is something else, a little hard to describe it but let me give it a try.

There are days you might feel homesick, which is kinda easy to diagnose. You know the symptoms and have an idea how to cure. As easy as booking a flight and taking off. Been there, done that! Check.

However somedays, you just have no idea what you are truly feeling & where it is coming from. You are pretty much in an undefined state of feeling absolutely free but at the same time kinda rootless -no matter how grounded you are. Basically it’s that moment, you realized – you are not married to anything, even if you fell like you are at home. Not at “the home”though since it means slightly deeper than “home”. A little bit rootless just because there is not the same level of attachment. In that state, you are kinda floating.Definitely few feets above the ground. But not connected to anything below the ground. Feels like losing your grasp, by making you a bit unbalanced and uncomfortable…

You kinda start floating in every direction. Flying as high as you can get and feel limitless. Realizing your wings & conquering your fears at the same time observing them to see where they will take you to. One part of you loves to fly, but the other is trying to balance yourself in order to not to fall. And that is definitely an adaptation play at this point. Just getting used to that new heights and adjusted to new settings. Discovering some unknowns about yourself. But more importantly learning how to be an observer...

Do you know how to be one? 

PS : Did I define the feeling yet? Not really! Do I have to name it? Not even sure. So in that case, I guess I will keep watching and observing. And will see where it will take me to…

Ayca Xxxx






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